I had one more drinking night left on this visit, I had woke up for lunch and heard comments about how this night ceremony would feature a different brew, “Black Ayahuasca” which I knew nothing about at the time, yet the name alone gave me chills. After two ceremony nights in a row, I was too tired to think much about it and I went straight back to sleep.Read More »
The morning after our first ceremony, I woke up uplifted and energized despite the few sleeping hours. We still had two more nights ceremonies in front of us and I spent the day in a space of serenity and peace until then very unfamiliar.Read More »
After witnessing none of the 6 participants who drank going nuts and hearing none of them saying: “I thought I was going to die” in this visit where I didnt drink the brew but just witnessed; and after hearing about my husband account of his own experience; I decided it was probably safe for me to try it, maybe one day….
My hubby had experienced “oneness” the dissolution of his physical body and blending with all surroundings accompanied by an ability to mentally travel wherever in the world he would fixate his attention on. His experience had been filled with love and positive emotions and he assured me now that he had met the spirit behind that plant, he had concluded with all certainty it was benign…. Calming my oh so many previous apprehensions about it.
That “one day” opportunity for me to experience it came sooner than I thought it would, no more than a month after, as a new local patient of my husband had requested a trip to the jungle, once again the invitation was extended to me and this time I was ready, needing it most for my chronic anxiety and fobias.
While trekking towards the jungle camp, it was wet, rainy and muddy… All I had in my head was: Dear Lord, please keep spiders out of my sight.
The ceremony was about to start and I was so overly nervous my hands were shaking, when my backpack flipped on the side, I jolted and my heart was racing… The shaman started calling us, one by one, he served half a glass for me (beginners amount) I swallowed the gel thick brew, I was too nervous to even feel the foul taste and quickly made it back to my reclining chair.
I had been told I had about 30 min before I would start feeling the effects… however something weird happened, as soon as I had returned to my place I noticed the anxiety had been lifted, it was strange it was gone, just not there anymore… I closed my eyes and I could see my third eye floating between my eyebrows, expanding and contracting slowly.
I started to hear Amorah’s voice singing “Angels of Grace”, one of her songs. She had been my friend and spiritual teacher, the founder of a mystery school in California and published writer of 5 books, she had passed away on an unexpected accident on June 2012 leaving deep sorrow in my heart…. I let myself be carried away in the soothing energy of her voice beauty: “Grace falls upon me like a misty summer rain. Grace flows through me like a gentle soothing breeze, Grace shines on me like warm sunlight on my soul, and I’m free I’m at peace I’m at home…” It had been so subtle I almost didn’t realize the effects had started, almost right away. I did not see my friend, nor did I heard other spoken words (aside the song), however I had a telepathic insight of her presence sending me love, reassuring me she was ok and reminding me “Healing in Grace and Ease” is feasible. So I concentrated in that, I asked the Ayahuasca spirit: let my journey be gentle, help me heal in grace and ease…..
Next thing I noticed was a mesmerizing kaleidoscope of dancing sacred geometry figures, mandalas, yantras in front of me for a while until I was distracted by the sound of others purging…. Loud, hair cringing purging, and that went on for a while…
When I was able to relax in my visions again, a big notebook appeared, blank pages in which something started been drawn by an invisible hand. In the drawings I was been shown different types of aliens, some looked like greys, other like hybrid animals, hybrid insects and others had physical bodies I can’t describe… This was followed by drawings of women faces that appeared as Goddesses, human females of extreme beauty and different ethnic backgrounds: from gentle youthful and loving faces to older wiser expressions….I was brought back from this by my husband call: Do you want to go back to the room? it was about 2 am, the ceremony was over and everybody had left..
Once in my room I couldn’t sleep, the effects still going strong for me, I was wondering why was I the only one not to purge that night and almost inmediately felt the urge to vomit, I made it to the window facing the garden and was shocked by the awful feeling of a force stronger than me, pushing trough, and by the pungent flavor of the aya brew. Back in my bed and eyes closed I had the final and only really clear vision of the night (all others were more like dreamlike imagery): It was a long, serpentine shape, walking path in the middle of a meadow delimited with dozens… hundreds of little candles on each side about 10 inches apart each. I followed with my eyes, the path went so long in the distance I could see no end…. I thought it was beautiful and I asked what is this?, where does this path lead to? all the insight I got back was each candle on it was representative of a ceremony where I would drink Ayahuasca… This realization shocked me… wait. wait a second….. you cant mean that … what? that many candles/ceremonies? you seriously mean that is the amount of times I will be drinking? Absolutely no way!!!. I can’t do that, this is all too harsh, i dont have the strength and I can’t take on this flavor, worse yet I CAN’T purge this flavor again… I don’t know why I was freaking out so much, after all, it wasn’t as if anyone could “make me” drink against my will.. so I continued to hold the vision soaking in the calm, quiet and almost sacred vibe of the meadow, the beauty of this lighted up path….. pondering her invitation to walk it…. I felt another “telepathic” insight: I’m inviting you, I will teach you...
I was having a hard time adapting back to my native country and shedding my past identity. I knew answering “I’m taking a break” to the recurrent: so, what do you plan on doing here now? question wasn’t going to be acceptable for long. Above all, it wasn’t the fear of the unknown, the stress of starting from zero, or the social pressure what was bothering me.. what was KILLING me was the lack of structure, not been tied up to a smartphone with an agenda and solving double and triple bookings every am while having my coffee…. Read More »
This blog relates my transformation journey aided by enthogens which started in fall 2014 when I made my way back to my natal country, Ecuador after almost a decade of living in North America. I became deeply involved in consciousness exploration through South American sacred plants, primarily Ayahuasca but also San Pedro/Huachuma and Datura/Toe among others. This short post provides a quick recap of what led me to this point.Read More »