My relationship with San Pedro has been one of love and fear. I visit with him about once per semester and have experienced from it the most powerful healings. I shared in this blog my first encounter (read about it here) where I was shown the bliss of love and the mystic beauty of nature and my second one… a mixed plants ceremony w aya and peyote (read about it here) where I was able to heal several phobias… and another encounter where he decided to visit during my Aya journey and took me out of this world in a 36hrs cosmic trip to Sirius planet (read about it here).
You are ready to drink alone, the shaman said casually over breakfast one day after almost two years of regular visits to the jungle for Aya ceremonies. Living at a max 3hrs drive, I was comfortable ignoring his words until life had me move way farther away (16hrs drive and unaccesible by plane) so no much longer after this, I found myself in a borrowed beach house, drinking half a cup of brew prepared in the jungle and shipped to me….
I had come back to the jungle for an intimate ceremony, it would only be me accompanying my little brother (31 now but hey, little brothers will always be little brothers right?) as he had decided to experience Ayahuasca for the first time. The night was moonless, rainy and cold. I was served half a glass and was grateful I could swallow the thick liquid in only one shot
The peak of the experience of this enthogen’s retreat at the mountains was a Temazcal ceremony. The medicine to be served a mix of Ayahuasca and San Pedro and rumor had it the shaman would bring tiny amouts of Peyote as admixture (practice i learnt later is used to summon plant allies without neccesarily adding the chemical composition of allucinogens)…. I had never experienced a Temazcal before, nor had i experienced the effects of mixing different plant medicines for that matter.
After about two months from my last journey, I was itching to return to the jungle and I had my opportunity when a small group was scheduled for late April. Everything seemed normal our first evening; My internal attitude however, was unlike any on my past experiences. I felt -for the first time – that I could go into this journey in total trust, as now I had come to know firsthand the love and benevolence of the spirit encountered when drinking Ayahuasca, my previous fears and insidious doubts had lifted completely…
Nothing can prepare you for your first San Pedro encounter, to begin, there is nowhere as much information about it online or books written as there is for Ayahuasca; Almost everybody I’ve asked to describe their SP experiences has answered: “It’s hard to put into words”, and it has always taken me several days before I’m able to even attempt to journal my own SP experiences.
Seeking to deepen my relation with Aya I signed for a week-long retreat that also offered the opportunity to experience San Pedro (Huachuma Cactus) another sacred plant I didn’t know anything about until the retreat started, and I quickly realized I should have done my due diligence research. Some of the experienced participants shared what I should expect and this included: 8-16 hours journey, blending of dimensions, seen with eyes open and losing emotional control……By then I had heard enough and couldn’t help to have all my fears re-awakened. Every fear I had experienced before Aya, and more, came back to me…Among them, my biggest was encountering dark forces and the sleep paralysis feeling of “dying from asphyxia” that often accompanied such encounters for me… These two fears -I was grateful- had not manifested with Aya… and I was literally freaking out contemplating the possibility they may take place now experiencing San Pedro.
One hour before the first SP ceremony I needed to seek for organizers to let them know I didn’t feel ready and I couldn’t bring myself to it. I prayed and asked Aya to help me out and either give me the strength to go through this or give me the clarity to make a call and cancel this off if this was not right for me… As soon as these thoughts entered my head I started hearing a VERY loud buzzing, it did not came from anything outside but it was rather inside my head… It was the exact same sound I heard in all my previous Aya encounters right before the experience started… I had come to recognize this sound as a “hello I’ve arrived – I’m here” message… Mind you however, this time it was more than 42 hours since I had my last dose (of a rather disappointingly weak, no effects producing, Ayahuasca brew in this center in the mountains) so, this was absolutely not supposed to happen. I could not believe myself, it was the most surreal thing ever to happen to me the buzzing lasted for at least 5-8 minutes of loud clear, consistent and strong noise in my head….I knew she was there with me and was letting me know everything was alright, that She was just as active and alive working on me as if I had just drank a heavy jungle style dose just 20 mins ago. I felt so reassured by this that my fears lifted. Beyond lifting current fears, this caused something even deeper, this gesture of hers, brought tears to my eyes and made me feel way more than just reassured… This was a ultimately cathartic moment for me; It was the very first time in my life that a being from the supernatural side had shown kindness and love to me… particularly when I have been paralyzed by fear… It reminded me of the countless times growing up when I was attacked by visions of demons and entities and had prayed to God, the angels, and any “light beings” I could possibly think off to encounter no response, literally hundreds of times… the loneliness and guilt / shame for feeling abandoned by God for years had left strong marks on me. Now, having her show up in such an undeniable manner.. it moved me, it made me regain faith on the path and I was touched to levels I find hard to describe in this post…
The very exact same experience was to happen one more time the same week, the next time I found myself paralyzed by fear at the highlight event of the retreat, where we were supposed to confront complete darkness in a 7 hours sweat lodge under the influence of 3 medicines: Peyote, San Pedro and Ayahuasca. I asked again: are you there? And sure enough, about 20 mins before heading to it (and several days after my last Aya dose) I got my answer.. the strong buzzing and the overwhelming love energy took over me once again for 5-8 eternal minutes while I cried alone in my room healing tears.. For the first time in a lifetime of encounters with the spirit world someone or somethins was on my side and I didnt feel alone …
The second ceremony night in this visit I experienced the same gentleness and lack of body symptoms, the wise voice made its appearance significantly earlier and I lost no time in presenting my questions. Why do I hear you as a man when everybody else’s seems to identify you as a female? The voice responded shifting from male to a women’s voice: “Because you distrust women” before shifting back to a male presence and voice.
The morning after our first ceremony, I woke up uplifted and energized despite the few sleeping hours. We still had two more nights ceremonies in front of us and I spent the day in a space of serenity and peace until then very unfamiliar.Read More »
I was having a hard time adapting back to my native country and shedding my past identity. I knew answering “I’m taking a break” to the recurrent: so, what do you plan on doing here now? question wasn’t going to be acceptable for long. Above all, it wasn’t the fear of the unknown, the stress of starting from zero, or the social pressure what was bothering me.. what was KILLING me was the lack of structure, not been tied up to a smartphone with an agenda and solving double and triple bookings every am while having my coffee…. Read More »