This blog relates my transformation journey aided by enthogens which started in fall 2014 when I made my way back to my natal country, Ecuador after almost a decade of living in North America. I became deeply involved in consciousness exploration through South American sacred plants, primarily Ayahuasca but also San Pedro/Huachuma and Datura/Toe among others. This short post provides a quick recap of what led me to this point.
When I reached 31 years old I experienced a sort of spiritual death/rebirth process, it was triggered during a group exercise in Mt Shasta California (where I was an initiate in a mystery school). In one split second my whole life crumbled, as a veil was lifted I had an epiphany: Everything in my life I have felt so accomplished and proud of, was not mine, it had not come from me….. it was all someone else’s choices and dreams, particularly those of my beloved dad. And I mean all aspects of my life including: my career as strategy consultant in a top 5 North American Retailer, my studies in Economics and Business, migrating to North America, the decision of not having kids, the person I chose to love and marry… Every single aspect of my life, no exception. As I was shaken to the core of my bones while going through this realization I grieved and shed my image of self / the pride I had come to accumulate from being a top of class honor student with scholarship in some of the best education institutions all the way to post graduate level, my fast track career in corporate where I reached executive suite and a top 5% paid job while being a female, an immigrant and younger than 33 years old, a picture perfect marriage to a kind and caring man…….
Realizing this felt like dying, the death of a huge portion of my ego / my image of self. During the following months I numbed my shock with sweets, shopping and work (my numbing drugs of choice!) until I couldn’t contain anymore the emptiness and depression that was eating me alive. I got my promotion to associate vice-president of strategy, and that was the last drop. I swallowed with stoic face and fake smile to all the congratulation wishes and barely made it to my condo before breaking down and crying my guts out. I felt trapped forever as a character of a play. So, I did something I was not used to: I prayed… I asked for help to find my way out of what now seemed like a prison. To my surprise I received an answer: “Every Friday get off work early and make it to the nearest campground, stay there til Sunday night. We will see for you to heal”
Fast forward about two years later I had been healed enough by nature and the continued practice from the mystery school teachings that I was able to walk out of my fake life, ship whatever I wasn’t able to sell off of it, pack along with my cat and husband and come back to Ecuador. I had not the slightest idea of what I would do if not for a living, just with my time, and as to what was to unfold for me. I had done enough spiritual work to put my destiny into spirit hands and let IT drive me..
So it begun…